Palace: forsaken by our redeemer, yet taken by his clergy.
Panache: Said after frypan argument. OW! That musta hurt.
Panphobia: Irrational fear of cooking utensils.
Paradigms: Here’s a couple. They ain’t worth so much no more.
Paralipsis: We’re not going to talk about that.
Parallel Parking: A driving skill best practiced when there are no witnesses.
Parapet: a. Airborne doggy. b. Handicapped puppy subsists on nose nudging and aggressive licking.
Parapsychology: Double Shrink.
Parental Guidance: When your kid teaches you how to set up parental controls on your computer.
Parenthood: When your father is the godfather.
Parish: A lot like par, but more like a double bogey.
Partial Arts: When you’ve learned only enough to get yourself floored.
Password: The secret you kept so well, even you can’t remember it.
Pasteurize: And you never saw it.
Patience: Our demeanor when witnesses are present.
Patriotism: Propellant used for cannon fodder.
Paycheck: The fix you need that keeps you working.
Peace Treaty: Document allowing time to re-arm.
Pedestrian: a. One with DUI conviction, b. Missed two car payments.
Peeping Tom: Perverted cat on stilts.
Peking _____ Voyeur’s escape tactic.
Duck: Voyeur’s escape tactic.
Precrastinate: How we found out . . . “Time and unexpected events overtake them all.” – Ecclesiastes 9:11
Peecrastination: Not wanting to get out of bed to go to the bathroom.
Penultimatum: Don’t make me tell you again.
Percycution: Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.
Perfect Health: The slowest rate at which to die. – Wiley’s Dictionary.
Perversion: How Sylvester explained the catastrophe.
Pessimist: Optimist with experience.
Petard: French rip.
Pew: Church vapors.

Pharmacist: An educated drug dealer.
Philanthropy: The process by which the affluent endow the needy, purchasing their allegiance with your money.
Philosopher: a. A person who knows less and less about more and more until they eventually know nothing about everything. b. One who systemized his ignorance.
Philosophy: a. The application of unsupported axioms to popular conclusions. b. Wisdom, lately formulated, no longer enslaved by the chains of reason or the burden of logic.
Phisher Price: The cost of Nigerian business.
Photosympahy: The feelings you have for the TP Trailer.
Physics: Humanity’s long, confused argument with the universe.
Picador: Your big chance on Let’s make a deal.

Pillage: a. Started with Envoid about 1960. b. About 50, more or less.
Pilot: A whole lotta Pie.
Pirate: Very angry pastry.
Plague: If you have ague, then it has you.
Planet: A dense mass surrounded by an empty void. As compared to a politician: an empty void surrounded by dense mass.
Planters: Rest areas for those with peanut allergy.
Plateaus: The highest form of flattery.
Platitude: What we got when we taught that cute little critter to speak English.
Plethora: It means a lot to me:
Plutocracy: Government by canine.
Police Blotter: What you carefully removed from the paper before your wife had a chance to see it.
Police Reform: When you dial 911 and get a social services voicemail.
Political Jokes: Hilariously funny, but then one gets elected.
Politician: a. One whose rhetorical skills occasionally involve the adjusted definition of terms as required for clarity. b. A person who shakes your hand before an election and your wallet after. – Wiley’s Dictionary.
Politicophobia: The fear of political campaign commercials.
Politics: a. The ongoing conflict of private interests presented as principles for the greater good. b. A public forum requiring the suspension of logic and intellectual discourse.
Polygon: When your parrot flew the coop. – Wiley’s Dictionary
Poop Deck: Major consideration for Noah.
Pop Art: When your knee keeps time with weather conditions.
Popcorn: Dad Jokes.
Portagram: A portmanteau: an anagram of the parent words
Postmodernism: Refreshing philosophy of seeking solutions unencumbered by what has been learned before.
Pot Belly: When the bhang fits under the overhang.
Poulterdice: The reason Vlad always wins at craps.
Poultrygeist: Haunted chicken.
Predictament: You knew about it. But you went ahead and did it anyway.
Prelate: Died early.
Prepennance: When you say an act of perdition, then five holy moleys and you’re good to go.
Prepent: You feel badly about it, but do it anyway.
Presentism: Your oughtabiography.
Pressure Wash: Frightening drudgery preceding the visit of your mother-in-law.
Pride: a. Sweet tasting, but extremely hard to swallow. b. Known to precede the fall.
Pride Month: When the sophomores replace the faculty.
Primate: a. Polygamy always has a beginning. b. I’m sorry to admit my total confusion over who is who in this debate. I always thought it was the first spouse.
Printing, 3D: Turning plastic into more plastic but in fun shapes. – sapienship.dd
Private Eye: The eye that creeps you out when you see it in the locker room.
Problematic: When the confused button is set on repeat.
Procaffeination: Nothing happens until coffee happens.
Pro-Choice: A belief held only by those who have already been born.
Procraftinator: I’ll make you one tomorrow. Okay?
Procrastination: a. Most efficient method of birth control. b. Huh?! OK. . . Hold on. . . Just a sec. . . . . . … c. Working tomorrow for a better today. – El Arroyo
Procrastinator: One able to do thirty minutes of work in eight hours and eight hours of work in thirty minutes.
Prokaryote: Evolutionary ancestor of the Wiley Coyote.
Pro-Magnon: Neolithic athlete.
Proofread: What you should have done be four you drank fore.
Proofreading: What should always happen before you press send.
Pronoun Closet: The place where you and I may never venture with you and me.
Propeller: How we were able to get granny to her tennis match on time.
Proxy Surfing: For those who enjoy porn on the job.
Pseudo-Intellectual: One who knows what pseudo means.
Psychopath: Map Quest directions to Bedlam.
Pumpkin Pie: Mathematically, the quotient of circumference divided by piameter.
Punish: A lot like a pun, but not so much; and the jokes on you.
Punishment: a. The painful application of the punch line, where laughter and distress collide with comedic intention. b. The effect of suddenly realizing the abstract has hit you like concrete. c. It ment you got caught.
Pungent: Comedian.
Purchase: Why Tom never catches Jerry.
Pylon: What we may expect come Black Friday.