Hairection: A scalp condition caused by escape velocity in the cerebral cortex.
Hairline Crack: Snarky comment about male pattern baldness. (Perhaps behind your back.)
Halloween: a. Foreboding of election day. b. Anniversary celebrated without regard to its meaning. c. An evening inexplicitly celebrated as if it were make-believe.
Hangover: Your body telling you you failed the IQ test. . . Again.
Happiness: Nature’s way of informing human resources that you’re overpaid. – Scott Adams
Happy Medium: The one who just sold you a line of BS for $50.00.
Hate Speech: The application of logic to your belief.
Hazardous Waist: When your waist takes a seat next to me on the plane.

Headstrong: Time to move the outhouse.
Hebrews: Jewish Pale Ale. JPA
Henceforward: Marching chickens
Herbage: The point at which Herb stops counting.
Herd: Following the masses is not recommended as sometimes the M is not pronounced.
Hereafter: When you enter a room and ask yourself “What am I here after?”
Hidden Talents: Skills usually not evident until the keg runs dry. Generally prompted by the first notes of Karaoke.
High Winds: Breeze coming off a hemp farm – Wiley’s Dictionary
High Tea: Somebody spiked the infusion. It caused confusion. High times ensued.
Himplicate: What you assume he might mean.
Hindsight: a. Plumber’s crease. b. That sudden flash of genius that overcomes you as you survey your recent debacle.
Hippocampus: School for very large aquatic animals.
Hippocrates: Containers for large aquatic animals.
Hisgender: A microaggression you may engender when you misgender another’s cisgender.
Hispanic: a. When he first sees the bald spot. b. Fear of snakes.
Hispes: A viral infection particularly affecting male patients, so named for gender equality.
Histeria: Gender specific emotional outburst. See also Hersteria.
History: a: That vast expanse in the stream of time we are willing to edit for the benefit of our future. b. What she said he said. c. The more we study, the more we understand the folly of human governments.
Homage: Better than a rest home.
Homogenous: Pride member of Mensa.
Homonym: Nom de plume for Transgender sock puppet.
Homophobia: When compassion and tolerance are no longer acceptable.
Homophone: LGBTQ communication device.
Hope: a. What you had for 2024 before you remembered it’s an election year. b. A very good breakfast, but a bad supper. –Francis Bacon
Hopscotch: Beer with Glenfiddich chaser.
Hormental: When a mental aberration is precipitated by hormonal idiosyncrasies.
Hyperbole, Hype: Genteel synonym for Bulls***.
Hyperspace: Special room for restless children. – Wiley’s Dictionary