Facebook: Social cancellation network.
Fact: The all-important “F” often missing from the word information.
Factism: An obsolete philosophy placing an unwarranted emphasis on truth. See Antifa.
Failure: Inability to profit from experience.
Fallible: Ready to go over when you least expect it.
Farticulation: The inability to express emissions, often forcing one to cut loose.
Fartlek: I always thought it was that snotty clerk at the city office, and I’m not sorry to have called him that.
Farts and S’eances: Esoteric university degree program.
Fat hers day: Another example highlighting the importance of proper spacing and grammmmatical intent.
Fatisfaction: The sheer joy of eating lasagna.
Fecund: Between first and furred.
Fee-Fi-Phobia: Fear of giants. – ElArroyo.Com
Femalevolence: Gender specific form of malevolence.
Fenster’s Law: If it will fit through the window, somebody will throw it out.
Ferocity: Urban renewal.
Fetus, (alt, Foetus): Living tissue, ambidextrously regarded as a parasite or infant, according to the “host”. See Zygote.
Fiction: Unlike reality, it has to make sense.
Fiendish: Plate of kale.
Fiendish Plot: Someone planted kale.
Filibuster: When you have nothing to say, but you just keep talking.
Finalize: Last words of the campaign speech.
Finger Food: What the critter got when you fed him through the cage.
Firing Squad: When you show up to your meeting with HR, and security greets you.
Firewood: The unintended consequence of a hasty woodworking project.
First Mate: Polygamy always has a beginning.
Five-second rule, the: No match for the 2-second dog.
Fixed Income: What a cheating bookie lives on. – Wiley’s Dictionary
Flabbergasted: Appalled by how much weight you’ve gained.
Flabrication: The reason you are gaining weight.
Flat Earthers: Ones who travel exclusively by plane.
Flatter: My tire compared to those who are driving.
Flatterer: Rolling pin
Flatulence:a. Medical conveyance for those run over by steamroller. b. Beanstalkc. Borborygmic vocalization. d. Peterade. e. French rip.
Flatypus: a. Unknown species of roadkill. b. After your argument with Truck Mcgee.
Flemish: Besieged by mucous.
Flippancy: Cheeky display of wardrobe artistry.
Flourish: When it looks like flour, but you can’t help sniffing at it just to be sure.
Flu Symptoms: 100% preferred over death symptoms.
Forbidden: Implied sanction to challenge.
Food: The most important ingredient in a well-balanced diet.
Fool: The omnipresent expert.
Forehead: the screen that hides the obscene.
Foreign Aid: When you take money from the poor people in a rich country and give it to the rich people in a poor country.
Forklift: Hoping it’s lasagna, or maybe a few meatballs.
Fortunate: When you eat that little slip of paper that’s inside that little cookie. – Wiley’s Dictionary
Fossil: One committed to a sedimentary lifestyle.
Frankly: A lot like frank, but not quite.
Free: Message caption most likely to be followed by a half-hour video for toe fungus remedy.
Free Radical: A demonstrator who makes bail.
Freudian Slip: When you say one thing and mean your mother – Anon
Friable: Best suited to a well seasoned cast iron pan.
Friar: A father who has declined to become a husband
Froth Estate: Our last hope for well-informed journalism and public information.
Full Metal Jacket: C3PO’s formal attire.
Fumigator: Aggravate a large reptile.
Funeral: Pay no attention to the fun in it.
Fundamental: Bankroll a psychofarm.
Fungi: The reason nobody laughed at open mike.
Furrred: Right after fecund.
Futility: The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft a-gley. – Robert Burns

Future: That vast expanse in the stream of time we still have available to regret.